singing in the rain

so here is what I am thinking.....

2009-03-26T17:57:00.000-07:00

Why are people always telling me I am too sensitive?
Why are people always telling me I can't take a joke, or that I take things too seriously?
That I over-analyze and that I need to just let things go?
ok...I give them a point...I do over analyze...I think about things too much...I stress when I don't get a text message back...ok...they get ONE point....other than that here is what I am thinking....
I think these people (no one in particular) need to FUCK OFF!
Seriously?I have been through a lot of shit...some of it is random drama everyone deals with...ok my parents got divorced...ok my dad is an alcoholic asshole...most people have a thing or two like that lurking in their background...but thats not all...quite honestly in perspective...I feel like I have done alright....the other end of the spectrum is that I was some crazy bitch they show on intervention...to be dramatic I could be dead....obviously that is over dramatic but it could have happened.
So that fact that I am still so open? The fact that I still believe that ANYTHING ANYONE tells me is the truth...the fact that I have faith or trust anyone at all is a MIRACLE...
Sometimes I think I should have learned by now...most people are full of shit...I shouldn't think when someone says they want to spend the rest of their life with me they would give a shit enough to text message me at all in the day (I am not crazy...I mean when I write something that garners a response they respond)....but I do....I sit by the phone...I stress...I love...I care...
OK...sometimes I take things too seriously....I think that maybe I have expectations from people that are too high...
but the fact that I have any expectations....at all...is a fucking miracle...

The Dreaded G********** Word.

2009-03-13T08:04:00.000-07:00

I am getting more and more nervous as we are (some of us..sorry JL) getting closer to Graduation. I can't decide if I am looking forward to it or dreading it...I think I am settling on neither. I saw JL's post about enjoying the simple things and getting excited for warmer weather and I thought of this song. I think this song is how I am going to think of my last semester at Champlain, with amazing friends, and amazing times...even if my time at Champlain is almost over (ha-like I spend any time on campus anyways) my friends and good times are not going to cease to exhist when school is over!
I’m wastin’ half of my life just lookin’ back
Thinkin’ all of my good times were in the past
Ain’t no joy to be found livin’ life like that
I couldn’t feel the sunshine on my face
Everywhere that I’d go I’d feel out of place
Finally figured out I’d never win that race
Now I’m amazed to find
These are the good ole days that we’ve been livin’
No more lookin’ back all is forgivin’
Ain’t gonna live my life through no picture frame
These are the good ole days
Seems like people get lost talkin’ ’bout some day
Something better will come and take them away
Never realize ’til it’s too late
It’s the simple things that make life worthwhile
Like a warm summer day or a laughin’ child
Or how it makes me feel just to see you smile
Baby you know it’s true
These are the good ole days

Livin' Our Love Song...

2008-12-04T05:57:00.000-08:00

Sooo as I am all jacked up on mountain dew (haha by that I mean sugar-free red bull) I thought I would provide a little update. As I have yet to write much but rather have chosen to only post sad and depressing song lyrics, I thought some less depressing writing was in order. That and I am currently more in love with life that I have been in a long time. One might guess that this is because of a boy, one would be right haha. I know that it is a good idea to fix yourself, without anyone else in your life, because the other person may act like sort of a crutch, but you know what? Don't care. If you had been me on the phone when I asked "he's home isn't he" and the answer was "yes" and felt that very strange feeling in my stomach, one I haven't felt since ohhh I don't know, when he left 3 1/2 years ago, I think it would be pretty clear. However this all hinges on the approval of 2 very special people, by that I mean the only 2 who read this anyways, well ok technically is already sort of in the works, but opinion is still mucho very much a lot importante! But can I please tell you that we are already off to a good start (good start part duex haha) when after one day of work he called and said "a song today made me think of you, not that I wasn't all day anyways", yeah def a big AWWW moment.

Baby just look at us all this time and we're still in love
Something like this just don't exist
Between a backwoods boy and a fairy tale princess
People said it would never work out
Living our dreams and shattered all doubts
It feels good to prove 'em wrong
Living our love song

I'm Trying....

2008-10-06T10:05:00.000-07:00

i have decided that I am going through a quarter life crisis. I don't know whats been going on with me since school started. I think that I have developed a very defeatist attitude about life. I have spent far to much time having my own personal pity party. The problem is I'm still not sure that I'm not entitled to feel this way. I think Rascal Flatts, as we all know, do an amazing job to describe all of lifes experiences

You feel like a candle in a hurricane

Just like a picture with a broken frame

Alone and helpless

Like you've lost your fight

But you'll be alright

Cause when push comes to shove,You taste what you're made of

You might bend, till you break, Cause its all you can take

On your knees you look up, Decide you've had enough

You get mad you get strong

Wipe your hands shake it off

Then you Stand

Thats what I'm trying to do and I feel like I'm getting to that point but there is still so much that is up in the air for me. I just don't know how to find a place in life that feels right. Sometimes I feel like carting me off to the looney bin seems like a perfectly resonable alternitive to life, or rehab...but only a nice one...like with a spa...

I've dealt with my ghosts and faced all my demons

Finally content with a past I regret

I’ve found you find strength in your moments of weakness

For once I’m at peace with myself

I’ve been burdened with blame, trapped in the past for too long

I'm moving on

I hope that I can do that soon. I'm tired if feeling so..so...I don't know...blah seems like a good word for how I feel..blah mixed in with sadness and occasional bursts of anger and frustration. I will sum up this depressing post with the comment that I cannot wait to see Hanson next weekend! Nope not ashamed of that at least...and this continuation of my life through lyrics

Goodbye four leaf clovers.

Hello gone awry

Don't cry the fight ain't over

Unless you let it pass you by

I'm looking for a song to sing,

Looking for a friend to borrow.

I'm looking for my radio.

So I might find a heart to follow

Someday....

2008-09-25T05:58:00.000-07:00

I'm blind with eyes wide open
My body's tired and broken
I want a taste of something, that doesn't leave me dry
This hope for answered questions
As rare as true conviction
I stare into the distance, there is no truth in sight
Everybody's looking for a blue sky, Searching for an answer on a satellite
I know that there's got to be a blue sky out there to see
A blue sky waiting for me
I've seen the main attraction, I've felt the moment's passion
I won't be no soap box teacher, just taking your time
Just taking your time
Who can tell me why
Everybody's looking for a blue sky, Searching for an answer on a satellite
I know that there's got to be a blue sky out there to see
Everywhere I go, it feels like I'm always searching for something
'Til I know for sure, I'll be right here waiting for something
More, more, for something more, for something more
Everybody's looking for a blue sky, Searching for an answer on a satellite
I know that there's got to be a blue sky out there to see
Somewhere there's a blue sky waiting
Everybody's looking for a blue sky, Searching for an answer on a satellite
I know that there's got to be a blue sky waiting for me

my life

2008-09-11T17:07:00.000-07:00

Because of you I never stray too far from the sidewalk
Because of you I learned to play on the safe side so I don't get hurt
Because of you I find it hard to trust not only me but everyone around me
Because of you, I am afraid

numero uno

2008-08-14T20:43:00.000-07:00

so i have decided to give blogging a try...im just putting it out there...i do not type with correct punctuation....i am also too lazy too...i have allsooo been told i write and talk and think..though no one knows how exactally someone else is thinking...that i have a stream of conciousness issue...so be prepared